Rediscovering the lost parts of your personality
Returning exiled parts of your personality that were “sent away”
What is a Disowned Inner self or sub-
When one sub-
NOTE: For Voice Dialogue Practitioners and trainees.
Some Voice Dialogue practitioners still adhere to an earlier definition where the Inner self world was made up of “Primary” inner selves with all the rest including energetic opposites, shadow selves and truly disowned selves all lumped together as “disowned”. We have learned much more since then about the various kinds of selves that are not Primary.
1. Some highly significant selves are energetic opposite “twins” which pair with primary selves and are powerful protectors in their own way. They are certainly far from disowned, in fact they often switch places with their primary twin to provide an opposite kind of protection. They play a major role in energetic balancing or as I call it “emotional gym” activities.
2. Secondary selves that have less energy but remain in awareness and occasionally can and do take over temporarily when a primary self appears to be failing as a protector. For this reason they do not fit the idea of a disowned self.
3. Very young protector selves which are closely connected to our deepest vulnerability and our inner child. They may or may not be primary selves but they are active.
This website looks at the truly disowned sub-
4. Truly exiled or missing selves that can play no active part as protectors. They still exert subtle influences as I explain on this website and in my Free book on Disowned Selves, Disowning and Reclaiming Exiled Inner Selves which will be available later in 2018.
What is Disowning ?
Disowning happens when one part of us makes a judgemental decision that another part, pattern or sub-
It’s a bit like the plot of a bedtime story. First the decision is made that the best thing for all concerned is for the ‘problem’ part (for example, the part of you that is too sensitive emotionally) to be exiled or ‘got rid of’.
A stronger inner protector self sends the ‘problem’ self deep into the forest or to another land far away, it is described as having been ‘disowned’. Its exile is intended to be permanent and the intention is that the self will be totally forgotten. With it out of the way it seems the rest of the inner self family can relax and feel less at risk.
Like most exiles, disowned parts may appear to no longer have any influence but they still hold the opposite energy to the self that disowned them and this gives them some unusual powers. An example is the ability of your disowned sub-
Sometimes disowning makes sense
It’s beneficial, if early in your life you disown some sub-
Disowning as part of adapting
However, what usually happens is that (as explained in Book G-
Identifying disowned sub-
At the start, you, your friends, your partner, even your facilitator may be totally unaware of the existence of disowned parts within you, but here are some ways to spot a disowned self:
1. When a sub-
However the reaction is not always repulsion, it can be an irresistible attraction. You can be overpowered, enmeshed (or both) by the other person’s behaviour.
For example, if a hard, stronger or(+1) ‘cold and logical’ self has successfully got rid of all the emotional sub-
Later on, Gary’s cold, logical sub-
So noticing whatever it is you keep attracting into your life (and when it comes, you react strongly to it) helps identify the parts you have disowned.
2. Whatever you disown seems to attract, towards you, people who are carrying or ‘holding’ similar energy to your disowned parts. It may turn up in a partner, but just as often in your children, friends, people at work, a bank manager or shop assistants. Even your pets may have sub-
3. People with disowned sub-
Other pointers to a disowned self in you:
4. If one character, animal or object in a particular dream has a major impact on you, it usually represents one of your disowned sub-
5. Disowned sub-
If you are facing extreme pain or danger, a major life crisis or some other critical event and flip into an opposite personality state, it may well be that one of your disowned sub-
Faced with a major problem in mid-
If the newly returned self turns out to be a great deal better at protecting them and the returning and now stronger sub-
In less serious examples a disowned rebel self can come out and enable a middle-
Reconnecting with disowned sub-
Adaption and disowning may be what you needed to do as a small child, to fit in with your family, but it usually involved the loss of some quite lovable but too fragile parts of your personality. If this was the case then reconnecting with those exiled ‘soft’ disowned parts, such as ‘unconditional loving’, is always worthwhile but it takes some time to organise a successful homecoming.
If you identify a ‘good’ disowned self and want to reconnect with it, it’s best to work with a trained facilitator or therapist until you learn more about using your Aware Grown Up Self to re-
Reconnecting with a less ‘worthy’ disowned self such as the ‘cheater’ or a ‘lying self’ is more controversial. At best you might want to consider re-
An example of this might be becoming more aware of the ways in which a business partner you trusted is actually cheating you. At this point you might also become aware of which sub-
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